***

- What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?

- Any dog, buildings don't jump!

***

Mother: Mary, have you changed the water in the fishbowl?

Mary: No, mummy. The goldfish has not drunk this water yet

***

Mother: I left two chocolate bars in the cupboard this morning, Tommy. Now I can see only one. How can this be?

Tommy: Mummy, it was so dark that I just didn't see the other chocolate bar.

***

Teacher: Why are you late, Jimmy?

Jim: It was late when I started from home.

Teacher: So why didn't you start earlier?

Jim: It was too late to start early, madam.

***

Bob: Why is your dog watching me so attentively while I am eating?

Sam: I don't know. Maybe it's because you are eating out of its plate.

***

Grandfather: What mark do you have in History?

Jimmy: A four.

Grandfather: Oh, what a shame! When I was a pupil, I had a five.

Jimmy: But the history was much shorter then!

***

Mother: You are six today. Happy birthday!

Jack: Thank you mummy!

Mother: Would you like to have a cake with six candles for your birthday party?

Jack: I think I would like to have six cakes and one candle, mummy!

***

Children: Mummy, we will play elephants at the Zoo. Will you help us?

Mother: I will, of course. What can I do?

Children: You can be the lady who gives the elephants sweets and bananas.

***

Sam: What strange-looking socks you are wearing, Mark? One is green and the other is black.

Mark: Yes, but the strangest thing is that I have another pair like this at home.

***

- Doctor, doctor! I have lost my memory!

- When did this happen?

- When did what happen?

***

- Doctor, Doctor! I keep getting pain in the eye when I drink coffee.

- Did you try to take the spoon out?

***

Mother: What is wrong with your new shirt, my dear son? It is full of holes!

Son: Mummy, I played grocery shop with my friends. And I was the Swiss cheese...

***

Mother asks her son who is reading a book, "What are you reading, dear?"

"I don't know," answers the boy.

"How, dear? You are reading aloud, so you must know."

"Yes, mummy, I am reading aloud, but I am not listening!" explains the child.

***

Sam: I am not going to school anymore!

Mother: Why, dear?

Sam: On Monday the teacher said 4 and 4 is 8. On Tuesday she said 6 and 2 is 8. Today she said 7 and 1 is 8. I am not going back to school until the teacher makes up her mind!