***
- What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?
- Any dog, buildings don't jump!
***
Mother: Mary, have you changed the water in the fishbowl?
Mary: No, mummy. The goldfish has not drunk this water yet
***
Mother: I left two chocolate bars in the cupboard this morning, Tommy. Now I can see only one. How can this be?
Tommy: Mummy, it was so dark that I just didn't see the other chocolate bar.
***
Teacher: Why are you late, Jimmy?
Jim: It was late when I started from home.
Teacher: So why didn't you start earlier?
Jim: It was too late to start early, madam.
***
Bob: Why is your dog watching me so attentively while I am eating?
Sam: I don't know. Maybe it's because you are eating out of its plate.
***
Grandfather: What mark do you have in History?
Jimmy: A four.
Grandfather: Oh, what a shame! When I was a pupil, I had a five.
Jimmy: But the history was much shorter then!
***
Mother: You are six today. Happy birthday!
Jack: Thank you mummy!
Mother: Would you like to have a cake with six candles for your birthday party?
Jack: I think I would like to have six cakes and one candle, mummy!
***
Children: Mummy, we will play elephants at the Zoo. Will you help us?
Mother: I will, of course. What can I do?
Children: You can be the lady who gives the elephants sweets and bananas.
***
Sam: What strange-looking socks you are wearing, Mark? One is green and the other is black.
Mark: Yes, but the strangest thing is that I have another pair like this at home.
***
- Doctor, doctor! I have lost my memory!
- When did this happen?
- When did what happen?
***
- Doctor, Doctor! I keep getting pain in the eye when I drink coffee.
- Did you try to take the spoon out?
***
Mother: What is wrong with your new shirt, my dear son? It is full of holes!
Son: Mummy, I played grocery shop with my friends. And I was the Swiss cheese...
***
Mother asks her son who is reading a book, "What are you reading, dear?"
"I don't know," answers the boy.
"How, dear? You are reading aloud, so you must know."
"Yes, mummy, I am reading aloud, but I am not listening!" explains the child.
***
Sam: I am not going to school anymore!
Mother: Why, dear?
Sam: On Monday the teacher said 4 and 4 is 8. On Tuesday she said 6 and 2 is 8. Today she said 7 and 1 is 8. I am not going back to school until the teacher makes up her mind!